Ladies and gentlemen- so far this lil weblog has been written with a particular insouciant carelessness- because we all knew who was going to win.
Today has shaken that.
So, today's message is- this man could be our next Prime Minister.
Wow.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Day 14- The Gall...
A couple of days ago I was wondering where the backline has been for Labor- while Hockey, Bishop (J) and Robb have been prominent, until recently Labor has been all about Gillard. Swannie popped up over the weekend and Bill Shorten got a ‘thank-you’ run yesterday, but in the main the Labor campaign has been the Gillard campaign. Till today, with Stephen Conroy getting a run thanks to the broadband announcement.
I don’t know if it’s online anywhere, nor would I necessarily point you toward it if it were, but Conroy just appeared on Lunchtime Agenda with David Speers, and proved a point. Look. Here’s a simple tip for the Prime Minister and Labor- don’t put Stephen Conroy near a fucking camera. Ever. Again. Speers nailed him to the cross, doused him with fuel and danced about with a lit match. And yet that was nothing compared to the damage Conroy did to himself. He wailed. He yelled over the host. He pushed lines so beyond belief that it made one choke on one’s cupcake ('the people out there aren’t asking me questions about Kevin Rudd or Mark Latham or leaks- they’re asking me when they can get broadband in their homes'). It was brutal. Conroy needs to be put somewhere. Perhaps in a box with Latham and Rudd. A small box, very far away.
I've no problem, as I suspect any thinking typing googling tweeting person would, with better broadband, or this NBN as we must abbreviatedly refer to it. The problem, I feel, is the moralising that comes with it. It is a policy for faster access to the internets, not a grand challenge in the style and scope of the Snowy Mountains Hydro scheme. Lives should not, one hopes, be risked in the cable installation (I shall not mention pink batts). A new way of life will not be established afterwards. We who have travelled to Europe or Japan or Vietnam for chrissakes will be familiar with zippy internets. It's good. Let's have some. But let's not suggest that this is something the nation should stand and salute to.
Something lost from the Latham debacle of 2004 comes to mind thanks to the brawling nutbags latest media appearances. I like Latham a little. Reading his diaries gives a good impression of someone able to be absolutely lucid one moment, barking nuts the next. He might be right on Rudd, or he might be so overwhelmed by envy at Rudd's success in place of his own that even Rudd's downfall won't bring succour. Either way, like Keating's disembowelment in 1996 which meant that Labor was taught, like a beaten dog, to eschew big picture stuff, Latham's touch-up in 04 meant that lines on so-called class politics were not to be crossed. It was a great failure of his and of Labor's more generally that an argument against private schools having freshly furnished polo fields installed in place of state schools having, say, adequate heating, never took hold. How this idea that unfairness, that most unAustralian trait, was to be ignored in place of aspirationalism, was partly their fault. It should be a piece of piss. So as much as his circuit-breaking skill is admired, Latham would be more useful turning his acid on himself and the failures of his moment that mire the party now- too afraid to go big. Gillard is a product of this small-target approach, and Cheryl Kernot's idea to run for the Senate on a 'change politics' platform, whilst almost certainly doomed, will pick up steam if it continues. Not enough to elect Cheryl one suspects (hasn't she had enough rejection?), but it will come if our politics stays small.
AND LATER
Just when you thought he couldn't distract Gillard any more- off he shoots to have his gall bladder removed. Get well soon Kevin. They need you. Maybe. Maybe once you go national the nation will be reminded of why they began to hate you and all the warmth that your final, still incedible speech garnered will dissipate. Maybe. David Speers, fast becoming a proper star of the campaign, tweeted the best line- "Rudd should also get the stitches taken out of his back while he's there."
LATER STILL
Nielson poll published late has Labor 48, LNP 52, 2 party. Jesus.
To conclude, here's Julie Bishop lecturing a garden gnome from Yes We Canberra.
I don’t know if it’s online anywhere, nor would I necessarily point you toward it if it were, but Conroy just appeared on Lunchtime Agenda with David Speers, and proved a point. Look. Here’s a simple tip for the Prime Minister and Labor- don’t put Stephen Conroy near a fucking camera. Ever. Again. Speers nailed him to the cross, doused him with fuel and danced about with a lit match. And yet that was nothing compared to the damage Conroy did to himself. He wailed. He yelled over the host. He pushed lines so beyond belief that it made one choke on one’s cupcake ('the people out there aren’t asking me questions about Kevin Rudd or Mark Latham or leaks- they’re asking me when they can get broadband in their homes'). It was brutal. Conroy needs to be put somewhere. Perhaps in a box with Latham and Rudd. A small box, very far away.
I've no problem, as I suspect any thinking typing googling tweeting person would, with better broadband, or this NBN as we must abbreviatedly refer to it. The problem, I feel, is the moralising that comes with it. It is a policy for faster access to the internets, not a grand challenge in the style and scope of the Snowy Mountains Hydro scheme. Lives should not, one hopes, be risked in the cable installation (I shall not mention pink batts). A new way of life will not be established afterwards. We who have travelled to Europe or Japan or Vietnam for chrissakes will be familiar with zippy internets. It's good. Let's have some. But let's not suggest that this is something the nation should stand and salute to.
Something lost from the Latham debacle of 2004 comes to mind thanks to the brawling nutbags latest media appearances. I like Latham a little. Reading his diaries gives a good impression of someone able to be absolutely lucid one moment, barking nuts the next. He might be right on Rudd, or he might be so overwhelmed by envy at Rudd's success in place of his own that even Rudd's downfall won't bring succour. Either way, like Keating's disembowelment in 1996 which meant that Labor was taught, like a beaten dog, to eschew big picture stuff, Latham's touch-up in 04 meant that lines on so-called class politics were not to be crossed. It was a great failure of his and of Labor's more generally that an argument against private schools having freshly furnished polo fields installed in place of state schools having, say, adequate heating, never took hold. How this idea that unfairness, that most unAustralian trait, was to be ignored in place of aspirationalism, was partly their fault. It should be a piece of piss. So as much as his circuit-breaking skill is admired, Latham would be more useful turning his acid on himself and the failures of his moment that mire the party now- too afraid to go big. Gillard is a product of this small-target approach, and Cheryl Kernot's idea to run for the Senate on a 'change politics' platform, whilst almost certainly doomed, will pick up steam if it continues. Not enough to elect Cheryl one suspects (hasn't she had enough rejection?), but it will come if our politics stays small.
AND LATER
Just when you thought he couldn't distract Gillard any more- off he shoots to have his gall bladder removed. Get well soon Kevin. They need you. Maybe. Maybe once you go national the nation will be reminded of why they began to hate you and all the warmth that your final, still incedible speech garnered will dissipate. Maybe. David Speers, fast becoming a proper star of the campaign, tweeted the best line- "Rudd should also get the stitches taken out of his back while he's there."
LATER STILL
Nielson poll published late has Labor 48, LNP 52, 2 party. Jesus.
To conclude, here's Julie Bishop lecturing a garden gnome from Yes We Canberra.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Day 13- Shhhhhh....
Readers, I've tried. All day there have been notes. Collation of funny images. An eagle eye tuned to these narcotic 24hr news services we are just so lucky to have in this country. But today, after the excitement of yesterday, I have nothing. Law and order? Knuckledusters and knives? Sure, there's a good gag to be had with our fresh PM actually saying, out loud, that 'no-one should be walking around with a knife...' *cue sideways look to camera, raised eyebrow, cutaway to Mark Arbib and Bill Shorten, etc*, but seriously. This small target bullshit is.... bullshit.
Best lines of the day, and perhaps of the last 13 days, come from John Keane's interview on PM. Keane is the author of The Life and Death of Democracy, one of those vast books that sit on my shelf mocking me (Yes, I will read you, one day. But for the moment I'm in the middle of a life, alright?). His take on this being a supermarket election is right on. Have a listen.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Day 12- Damages
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| Has the PM found Jesus at last? Via Fairfax. |
It doesn’t matter if it’s true, though we can expect that it is, as a flat denial was not offered. Either way, the damage is done. It’s perfect for opponents, be they internal or Abbott-lead, going straight to ‘fears’ about both Gillard’s ‘suitability’ (tip for future female politicos- be married, have children), but also exposing her as a political operator. Not that anyone else in the game isn’t. But in a leadership vacuum, it’s all the more telling. And on ideas that hit at the core of the electorate, issues affecting a better way of life, to be seen to be playing politics is trouble. Whoever they are, they knew how to push the button, and the button has well and truly been pushed. Gillard will spend today mopping up, and it might come to nought. Was it Rudd? Was it Rudd’s people? Who is reckless enough to risk defeat, and a defeat to Abbott, a party that was meant to be out of power for 10+ years if you read the editorials of late 2009? Who believes in something that much, and what is it they believe in- themselves? Himself? Kevin? Explaining needs to be done.
Rudd has, it should be noted, issued a denial- of sorts. A statement released last night reads "Mr Rudd has not made, nor will he make, comment on Cabinet processes or deliberations." Which is different from saying "I did not leak that leak", but fair enough. That's what we're getting. Both Peter Hartcher from the SMH and Laurie Oakes have said that the leak was not from the other side, but a source within the Government. Today's question is who- if not Rudd (still not a believable option, but...), then who. Tanner is leaving, but it couldn't be Tanner. Who?! I demand an answer!
Update 9:40 Gillard takes to the stage in Adelaide, viewed by a cameraphone that drops in and out on Sky News. She says she wants to address the allegations directly, not 'shilly-shally' (Adelaide slang?). She joined the party because she believes in fairness, for the old and for the parents.
She then spins the leak as a process of fiscal responsibility- ensuring that everything was covered in the budget before anything was launched into, paid parental leave or pension increases. This is the reason she 'asked questions'. She attempts to bed down the belief question, and seems utterly believable in this, but this is not the denial the newscycle wants. Won't play on who might've leaked it. Says that she didn't issue anything substantial last night because some things are better delivered in person.
9:53 She says that it amazes her that people might think she wouldn't support this scheme considering 'who I am, what I have done with my life'. This is the point though, isn't it- in the bit of Australia that is concerned about the boats, Gillard is not old and not a mother. Horrible things are being played on. She is attempting to nullify. Says that the Government's money isn't theirs- it's the nation's, and she has to be responsible. But that doesn't mean she doesn't believe. Will 'they' believe?
9:56 Sky news link falls over- ABC24 is up. Thank you ABC!
9:57 'Kevin Rudd will be offered a ministry in my cabinet.' My cabinet under the stairs, where I will keep him bound with electrical tape and feed him a dog biscuit every second day.
9:59 'Look at Mr Abbott and the bind he's in with paid parental leave.' Ummm, not, it's you in the bind Prime Minister.
9:59 'I can't be easily confused with Laure Oakes.' Hmmm. I have no idea of who the source of the leak is. Let's call Julian Assange.
10:00 'I didn't ask Wayne Swan to mount an investigation' (Swannie? Hmmmmmm).
10:01 'Of course I'm angry. But I'm not gonna be diverted by it.' Except for now, doing this.
10:02 'I supported these measures because they were affordable. If they were not, I wouldn't have supported them, and I won't apologise for that. I'm not a soft option.'
10:03 'I did not ask Wayne Swan to have a word about this matter'. Flat denial that. Journos make note to follow up.
10:07 'My focus remains on the choices for Australians- it has become fashionable to say this campaign has become a boring one.' Till today it was...
10:09 A question on schools stimulus. Snowball? Gillard addresses with vigour.
10:13 Was as much rigour applied to the NBN funding? Gillard says yes, I was absolutely satisfied. Hooks are being baited.
10:14 'Abbott is turning his face against modernity'
10:15 'I'll have something to say about water later today'. Water torture.
10:17 'All I can is tell the truth, tell you what I believe and that is what I've done today'. Fin.
Enough?
Update 10:55 Katherine Murphy of the SMH liked what she saw this morning. It'll be interesting to see how shared this sentiment is.
Update 11:09 Abbott, Hockey and some other bloke take to a very prime ministerial looking lectern to announce a cut in the company tax rate- from 29% to 28.5%. Rolling with momentum, getting it done, etc etc. And they're cutting without a mining tax. It's a good line, though the figure itself is a little too transparent.
Update 11:31 Inflation is up .06%, taking it out of the target range. Sky news reports that this would make a rate rise next week very likely, but the SMH says it is less than predicted and therefore a rate rise would be unlikely. Labor will prefer the Fairfax vision.
Update 1:21 Sky News now saying that a rate rise is unlikely. Labor exhale.
Update 1:34 Nice piece from Tony Wright on the who the rat is doing the fucking, with an even better graphic. The Kevin solution is too clean, he and various sources suggest. Wright writes that "One current minister and one less senior Labor MP are suspected by those who place credence in this theory."
Shorten? Combet? Macklin? Ellis, K? Conroy? This guy?
Peter Hartcher agrees with Katherine Murphy's assessment of the Pm's performance, but suggests that there are big issues remaining. Likewise, various pundits and opposition toads are wondering whether the same fiscal scrutiny was applied to the school stimulus and the pink batt scenario. It's a good line. But Gillard's performance might be, if not the story of the day, certainly a contender.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Day 11- Good with Women
Mental health policy has to wait, the people of Nauru are ready to receive asylum seekers but don’t nessecerily want to sign up the UNHCR, the Coalition will preference mothers over fathers through their paid parental leave scheme, so on, etc. Announcements are drip-fed, press conferences are called and dutifully reported. Signifying little.
So, in light of anything satisfactorily engaging/visionary, lets look at some pictures of women.
Type ‘Tony Abbott’s d’ into Google and it will give you an option ‘Tony Abbott’s daughters are hot’. Maybe a staffer was typing another word starting with d, saw what came up, got an idea. Because Tony’s ‘trouble with women’ fix hit phase 2 today. His wife was trotted out for phase 1 yesterday, and today it’s the lovely Louise. Her special treat? A trip to the fishmongers.
Having his daughter by his side may well indicate to someone somewhere that he is able to be in a room with a woman, but the image of his daughter does, I feel, do 2 things more effectively. 1- it reminds us of that creepy shit he spouted about the virginity of his kids. * Secondly, it goes to further expressing his virility- not only does the man precinct work, but it produces lookers like this.
It’s already tired, and won’t last. Not that it’s new. Maybe the sight of Bristol Palin helped supporters of her Mom during Election 2008.
Maybe that’s a stretch. In 2004 John Kerry introduced planet Earth to his daughter, flashbulbs and all.
She either didn’t quite understand the powerful combination of paparazzi flash and a lack of undergarment, or she understood it and dug it. Either way, this is the enduring image of Alexandra Kerry. Having said that, at least she’s not the gay daughter of a conservative ‘maverick’
Point being, kids of politicians might be hot, or kinda appealing, or not entirely disgusting on the eye. Doesn’t matter. They’ve got fuck all to do with policy. Not that that matters in EnforcedDecision2010.
Women have had an interesting day. Penny Wong put up a heartfelt defence of the line she has to toe as a gay woman in a party that doesn't support gay marriage on Q&A, brilliantly and powerfully supported by Richo, while the PM fielded questions about moving her de-facto into the Lodge should she win, living in taxpayer funded sin. She copped a question on the size of her earlobes as well. A question not asked of her opponent- I guess because the answer is blindingly obvious.
Women have had an interesting day. Penny Wong put up a heartfelt defence of the line she has to toe as a gay woman in a party that doesn't support gay marriage on Q&A, brilliantly and powerfully supported by Richo, while the PM fielded questions about moving her de-facto into the Lodge should she win, living in taxpayer funded sin. She copped a question on the size of her earlobes as well. A question not asked of her opponent- I guess because the answer is blindingly obvious.
Meanwhile in Queensland, someone forgot to put the Labor party logo on their campaign material.
Oops! How clumsy!
And at 7pm, a report from the Walrus, Laurie Oakes, who has it from a close Labor source that Gillard opposed Labor’s paid parental leave scheme. There is a rat in the ranks.
This is not going to go down well.
*"I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question ... it is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving, and don't give it to someone lightly," he said.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Day 10- We'll have the drunk chicken, hold the boats
The pundits are torn on who won the debate, but united on how uninspiring the spectacle was. 1.245 million watched on Ch 7 and 1.22m on 9, so the thing wasn’t a complete disaster, but ratings don’t indicate viewer satisfaction levels. On the expectation front Abbott seems to have received better press, for not eating his own shoe or letting rip or attacking Malcolm Farr with the butt of a golf club or something. Polls look better for the Coalition this morning, with Galaxy giving it to Labor 52-48 on 2-party. Exactly where the poll was when Kevin got rolled. Mark Arbib hasn’t been sighted.
Around lunch we learn that the mining tax ads will re-commence on Wednesday. The little guys aren’t happy- they were getting so much attention, then they’re told that the issue has been politically nullified. What to do? Get on TV. Will it do anything? We’ll see. But if my expert branding services were being solicited, I’d suggest that the public has had its run with the issue, and is indeed moving forward. Anything further will have to be clear and well explained to not seem greedy and work against the industry as a whole. If miners say that the tax will encourage more boats, well then, that’s a different story.
Swannie gets on the tele around 2pm to croakily yet whinily voice opposition to what he’s calling the Coles & Woolies tax, otherwise known as the Oppositions proposed changes to the company tax. See, Swannies on a winner here. You know what I’m thinking don’t you?! Coles is a national icon now. Because it’s where you go if you want to shop like a Masterchef! That’s right! Forget farmers markets and the fresh organics that many of the proper chefs featured in that same program prefer (even Sean of Seans Panorama fricken grows his own produce, kills it, then brings it down from Katoomba to cook it at North Bondi and make people like me voice inappropriate levels of pleasure in public cos his food is so dang on the money) - to be a Masterchef, go for the recently unfrozen, ‘mature’ packaged shit that Coles provides (to Masterchef, gratis). So a tax on Coles (Woolies has been included I guess to throw hard boiled journos off the scent, but you don’t fool me Swannie!) is a tax on Masterchef! More to the point, it’s a tax on following our dreams. Because we just know that if we get a chance, with the guidance of our deceased nanna/father/etc looking over us, if we get a chance to cook from the heart, using only the freshest ingredients Coles can provide, then anything is possible. A tax on Coles is a tax on everything that we have come to stand for in 2009/10. Dreams. Heart. Drunken Chicken.
INTO THE BELLY
To 7:30Reportland travels Tony, and unscathed he emerges. Kerry boxed with precise, needling jabs, but Abbott sucked them up. Getting through one of these without scandal counts as a win in this climate, so Abbott can count this as a little victory. Today has easily been his best of the campaign- poll bumps, a debate that remains too close to call and too dull to remember, and the first real evidence of this mindless 'stop the boats' mantra biting widely. Pre interview, Heather Hewitt's wrap-up of the day focussed on Abbott's wife hitting the trail, putting his comments in the debate on family and gender into clear focus (I was pretty-well catatonic by that point during the debate, typing through muscle reflex only). That godless childless woman taunts middle Oz not only by being barren, but in choosing a 'partner' who cuts hair. A haircutter! Shorthand for poofter! She's not a closet poofter too is she? Stone the slopes! So this family guff might work too. And what will that say about us, Australia?
Around lunch we learn that the mining tax ads will re-commence on Wednesday. The little guys aren’t happy- they were getting so much attention, then they’re told that the issue has been politically nullified. What to do? Get on TV. Will it do anything? We’ll see. But if my expert branding services were being solicited, I’d suggest that the public has had its run with the issue, and is indeed moving forward. Anything further will have to be clear and well explained to not seem greedy and work against the industry as a whole. If miners say that the tax will encourage more boats, well then, that’s a different story.
Swannie gets on the tele around 2pm to croakily yet whinily voice opposition to what he’s calling the Coles & Woolies tax, otherwise known as the Oppositions proposed changes to the company tax. See, Swannies on a winner here. You know what I’m thinking don’t you?! Coles is a national icon now. Because it’s where you go if you want to shop like a Masterchef! That’s right! Forget farmers markets and the fresh organics that many of the proper chefs featured in that same program prefer (even Sean of Seans Panorama fricken grows his own produce, kills it, then brings it down from Katoomba to cook it at North Bondi and make people like me voice inappropriate levels of pleasure in public cos his food is so dang on the money) - to be a Masterchef, go for the recently unfrozen, ‘mature’ packaged shit that Coles provides (to Masterchef, gratis). So a tax on Coles (Woolies has been included I guess to throw hard boiled journos off the scent, but you don’t fool me Swannie!) is a tax on Masterchef! More to the point, it’s a tax on following our dreams. Because we just know that if we get a chance, with the guidance of our deceased nanna/father/etc looking over us, if we get a chance to cook from the heart, using only the freshest ingredients Coles can provide, then anything is possible. A tax on Coles is a tax on everything that we have come to stand for in 2009/10. Dreams. Heart. Drunken Chicken.
INTO THE BELLY
To 7:30Reportland travels Tony, and unscathed he emerges. Kerry boxed with precise, needling jabs, but Abbott sucked them up. Getting through one of these without scandal counts as a win in this climate, so Abbott can count this as a little victory. Today has easily been his best of the campaign- poll bumps, a debate that remains too close to call and too dull to remember, and the first real evidence of this mindless 'stop the boats' mantra biting widely. Pre interview, Heather Hewitt's wrap-up of the day focussed on Abbott's wife hitting the trail, putting his comments in the debate on family and gender into clear focus (I was pretty-well catatonic by that point during the debate, typing through muscle reflex only). That godless childless woman taunts middle Oz not only by being barren, but in choosing a 'partner' who cuts hair. A haircutter! Shorthand for poofter! She's not a closet poofter too is she? Stone the slopes! So this family guff might work too. And what will that say about us, Australia?
Day 9- Jim & Jane, never the twain..
I wake too early, and the first politico I see is my ol chub chum, Jumping Jiving Joe of the perpetually high pitched defence. He is the guest of Laurie Oakes- a caterer’s dilemma, but it makes for some classic whiny Joe moments.
Hockey, like Swan, has a terrible Achilles of making the most benign question sound like an attack, by virtue of the slightly harassed ‘now let me put this matter to bed’ tone they both seem unable to shake. Joe has more charm than Swan- indeed, the block of moist wood I just put on the fire has more charm than Swan- but he hasn’t been able to completely capitalise on his involvement in the Class of Sunrise circa mid 2000s like his old sparring partner, our old PM. Whether he’s too thick to understand that his charms are dissipated by this defensiveness o thinks that in general his public persona is A-Ok I don’t know. But this, combined with the bully-boy stuff he flings in the chamber doesn’t help his chances of leading the Coalition to a loss in 2013.
Abbott, fresh from proclaiming that he’s planning his move to the Lodge in late August in spite of what the people think, announces a cut to immigration. Except that apparently its not- the number Abbott proffers (170 000) is what is projected in the coming years. So Abbott, says Labor, is announcing Labor policy for Labor. Good on him.
The numbers don’t really matter- it’s the saying of the sentence that counts, sureing up the base, giving Abbott something to speak on which we know he believes in. That, and his additional ‘we should having more children’ line sits well with public persona. He hasn’t, at this point, stated that to help the nation bear more children he’ll be banning all abortions and making contraception illegal, but maybe he’s saving that for a bump in the final week. A boss of mine once said that the baby bonus of the Howard/Costello Gov will result, 10-15 years from now, in the biggest spike in bogans in our history. Like the argument in Freakonomics detailing lower crime rates in the early 1990s to the prevalence of safer, legal abortion in the 1970s, the bogan spike seems a good bet, for the baby bonus wasn’t always taken up by the folk occupying the higher IQ brackets. It might be a little crass to state, but does it not make sense?
It’s certainly more believable than Penny Wong’s statements on gay marriage. Maybe she is against it, for reasons unknowable. But this stuff is trite, and it’s a shame that both party political business and the news cycle unearth these tales. Does nothing for Wong’s public image and nothing for the Labor party. Though maybe it does something for the debate, indicating that it has to go big, bigger than the 2 party processes and into the community, for there to be change on that front. Hell’s, why not establish a community assembly?
The Great Inflate
At 6:30 we settle in, and at 6:33 the worm heads south- the prompt? The first utterence of the term moving forward. Gillard looks glassy and cracks an advisor-approved smile early, and when she discusses what she actually means by moving forward the worm moves up. Her hands are distracting, but her manner is personable and it opens well.
A note on the worm- or worms, for we have a male worm and a female, as well as an average. Let’s call the male worm Jim, the lady worm Jane.
6:36 Abbott hits the screen squinting, and the female worm plunges, matching the male. But the worm doesn’t go as cold as it did against Rudd back in May. In the opener he keeps above the line, and occasionally hits the middle-highs. Until he calls the Gov hopeless, and women plunge sub-line. He attacks on boat people and climate change, and the average flatlines low. He looks nervous, stumbles on a few weasel words.
6:40- Keep your hands still Julia. Jesus. Jim is very low, Jane mid highs.
6:44 Chris Uhlmann at his best- respectful, removed from the obvious, yet tough as nails. Laurie Oakes might’ve said ‘can you indicate how you’re not some kind of whipped hack at the behest of your party/faction/etc’ , but not Uhlmann. He gives a little rope, but has eyes that say ‘don’t fuck with me’.
David Speers takes the cue from Uhlmann for a follow up on MySchools. The worm goes south, especially Jim. The journos are winning early points.
6:48 Abbott gets a crack at Uhlmann’s question and has benefited from everyone forgetting the thrust of it. Jane loves his riff on the parental leave plan, and Jim isn’t far behind. Calls it ‘visionary social change'. Can’t tell if the worm is capable of chuckling.
6:50 Laura Tingle has one for Abbott re immigration. Abbott says he is levelling with the Aus people, being fair dinkum about population growth. The worm is ok with it, not crazy excited, but ok.
6:52 Gillard responds and calls Tony on immigration- pretty clever, but it’s a trick she says. Jane loves it. Jim isn’t quite sure. The term ‘fair dinkum’ is used a further 326 times within about 42 seconds.
6:53 Tony bounces it back- why didn’t you say this last week about numbers coming down to 170 000? Julia says ‘huh? Whatever, fool’. Jane goes crazy high. Jim remains close to the middle. Few more fair dinkums sprinkled like a nervous chef seasoning an omelette he hasn’t cooked with his heart and soul, an omlette that reminds him of his grandmother, who used to cook omlettes and I’m sure is watching now, proud, but concerned about the amount of paprika. My mind has wandered a little.
6:55 Mal Farr on asylum- reasonable timeframe for a processing centre opening? Gillard says there’s no quick fix. Jim and Jane join wormy hands and go south for a bit before Jane rethinks and heads to Noosa. Jim remains in Beechworth/ Ballarat.
6:57 Abbott says Malcolm, lets be fair dinkum, and the worm turns downward. It’s revived when he says Timor will never come on line. Jim heads toward Townsville.
6:58 Ullmannn! Ask if Abbott should be fair dinkum. re 90% of boatfolk detainees winning visas- the worm is nervous, but gets a kick out of Abbott just saying ‘stop the boats’ I’m voting Uhlmann, Speers in the Senate.
6:59 Gillard calls Abbott naïve. Worm not likee. She then calls people smugglers evil and the worm turns. Attempts to blow the Nauru question out of the water (!) by noting its caretaker Gov. Almost succeeds.
7:02 Tingle on the economy. Positive worm. Happy worm. Surplus by 2013. Hooray. Whatever.
Verdict so far- too close to call. Fair dinkum
7:03 Speers f/up on economy- if we double dip will you stimulate? PM- not for me to say. Then Speers chases Gillard off the podium while the Benny Hill theme plays.
7:04 Abbott on economy- ‘Gov claims credit, but it was us! Honest’. Jim goes up for a high five. Jane demurs.
Abbott then hits the school halls, Jim goes crazy, Jane not far behind. A problem for the Gov.
7:05 Doesn’t Mal Farr scrub up nice? Asks about Groceries. Abbott trashes grocery watch, says we’ll get debt and deficit under control. Again, when asked what he’d actually do, he shapes away in flight.
7:08 Julia looks a little harried. When she lists what this Gov has done, it don’t sound so good. Not a program full of inspiration, nor effective implementation.
7:09 Uhlmann on carbon and delay. Jim heads south to Launceston, Jane remains midway on the map (which I have invented and is not to national scale. Plus, Canberra is the centre of everything. That’s just how it is, losers) in Canberra. Maybe in Manuka, looking for Jim. But he’s gone Jane, gone! Julia says we’re not gonna kid people, we need a cap on carbon pollution. Uh huh. I’m going to lead to get a community consenses. Jane Sydney, Jim Bendigo.
7:11 Speers follows up- Gillard flounders. Worst section of the night for her so far.
7:12 Abbott calls it a complete failure of leadership. Jim loves it. Jane says yeah, you might be right.
Point? Climate change has been bungled by JG. The worm says so.
7:13 Tingle on IR, company tax et al. Abbott says he respects the electorate. Worm says, what, me! Oh, he likes me! Worm blushes.
7:15 Gillard in response, calls it farce, worm is low. Gillard says Tony believes in workchoices. Jane says fuck you Jim, you’re stoopid. Jim says stoopid? I just pooped, that’s how stoopid. Where are my hands? Oh, there they are! I’ve had them on all this time! What’s that smell?
7:17 Farr looks bored. Asks a question about awards and small business etc. Gillard says fair work gets balance right. Semi positive worm. Julia’s hands go big. She’s filling the screen like my old art tutors told me to fill the canvas. My paintings were often as shit.
7:18 Abbott says fair work is not perfect, but we need to respect the people. I.e. really, I’m not gonna implement Workchoices. I’m not.
7:20 Uhlmann on Rudd- how many times did you warn Rudd before you knifed him? Ouch. JG says I’m not talking. Down the worm goes. This is much worse than I thought for JG- she’s playing friendly, and looks smaller. She’s been stage managed by folk who’d be fired from an Iranian soap opera.
7:21 Turns it back on Abbott-gets a bump
Speers f/up JG, re not canvassing Rudd. Jim gets a thermal pair of pants on and goes south.
7:22- Abbott says same shit different face, bangs his mic. Jim ditches thermals, dons boardies. Or dickstickers.
7:23 Tingle on Afghanistan- 2014 exit Abbott- I love troops. They should stay. Worm goes yeah! USA! JG says my pos is same as Rudd. Worm dip! Explains position, worm hop! Getting the job done- worm hop.
7:25 Closing- JG this was a good discussion! JG says as PM I would never cut school cash. Jim and Jane say good. Same on hospitals. And NBN. Schools, healthcare, NBN. I’m gonna cut the company tax rate. We are a confident optimistic people. I believe in your decency. Jesus. Fair dinkum. Etc.
7:28 Abbott action contract. Jim and Jan swap. Says tonight was the chance for the gov to explain why it should be re-elected- worm dives. 6 years of pink batts and school halls, it’ll just-get-worse. Worms stays down. Says it’s not about Gender- brave! Abbott loses on the closer.
Ch 7 says Labor 53-47. Australia says screw you two, let’s watch Masterchef.
Hockey, like Swan, has a terrible Achilles of making the most benign question sound like an attack, by virtue of the slightly harassed ‘now let me put this matter to bed’ tone they both seem unable to shake. Joe has more charm than Swan- indeed, the block of moist wood I just put on the fire has more charm than Swan- but he hasn’t been able to completely capitalise on his involvement in the Class of Sunrise circa mid 2000s like his old sparring partner, our old PM. Whether he’s too thick to understand that his charms are dissipated by this defensiveness o thinks that in general his public persona is A-Ok I don’t know. But this, combined with the bully-boy stuff he flings in the chamber doesn’t help his chances of leading the Coalition to a loss in 2013.
Abbott, fresh from proclaiming that he’s planning his move to the Lodge in late August in spite of what the people think, announces a cut to immigration. Except that apparently its not- the number Abbott proffers (170 000) is what is projected in the coming years. So Abbott, says Labor, is announcing Labor policy for Labor. Good on him.
The numbers don’t really matter- it’s the saying of the sentence that counts, sureing up the base, giving Abbott something to speak on which we know he believes in. That, and his additional ‘we should having more children’ line sits well with public persona. He hasn’t, at this point, stated that to help the nation bear more children he’ll be banning all abortions and making contraception illegal, but maybe he’s saving that for a bump in the final week. A boss of mine once said that the baby bonus of the Howard/Costello Gov will result, 10-15 years from now, in the biggest spike in bogans in our history. Like the argument in Freakonomics detailing lower crime rates in the early 1990s to the prevalence of safer, legal abortion in the 1970s, the bogan spike seems a good bet, for the baby bonus wasn’t always taken up by the folk occupying the higher IQ brackets. It might be a little crass to state, but does it not make sense?
It’s certainly more believable than Penny Wong’s statements on gay marriage. Maybe she is against it, for reasons unknowable. But this stuff is trite, and it’s a shame that both party political business and the news cycle unearth these tales. Does nothing for Wong’s public image and nothing for the Labor party. Though maybe it does something for the debate, indicating that it has to go big, bigger than the 2 party processes and into the community, for there to be change on that front. Hell’s, why not establish a community assembly?
The Great Inflate
A note on the worm- or worms, for we have a male worm and a female, as well as an average. Let’s call the male worm Jim, the lady worm Jane.
6:36 Abbott hits the screen squinting, and the female worm plunges, matching the male. But the worm doesn’t go as cold as it did against Rudd back in May. In the opener he keeps above the line, and occasionally hits the middle-highs. Until he calls the Gov hopeless, and women plunge sub-line. He attacks on boat people and climate change, and the average flatlines low. He looks nervous, stumbles on a few weasel words.
6:40- Keep your hands still Julia. Jesus. Jim is very low, Jane mid highs.
6:44 Chris Uhlmann at his best- respectful, removed from the obvious, yet tough as nails. Laurie Oakes might’ve said ‘can you indicate how you’re not some kind of whipped hack at the behest of your party/faction/etc’ , but not Uhlmann. He gives a little rope, but has eyes that say ‘don’t fuck with me’.
David Speers takes the cue from Uhlmann for a follow up on MySchools. The worm goes south, especially Jim. The journos are winning early points.
6:48 Abbott gets a crack at Uhlmann’s question and has benefited from everyone forgetting the thrust of it. Jane loves his riff on the parental leave plan, and Jim isn’t far behind. Calls it ‘visionary social change'. Can’t tell if the worm is capable of chuckling.
6:50 Laura Tingle has one for Abbott re immigration. Abbott says he is levelling with the Aus people, being fair dinkum about population growth. The worm is ok with it, not crazy excited, but ok.
6:52 Gillard responds and calls Tony on immigration- pretty clever, but it’s a trick she says. Jane loves it. Jim isn’t quite sure. The term ‘fair dinkum’ is used a further 326 times within about 42 seconds.
6:53 Tony bounces it back- why didn’t you say this last week about numbers coming down to 170 000? Julia says ‘huh? Whatever, fool’. Jane goes crazy high. Jim remains close to the middle. Few more fair dinkums sprinkled like a nervous chef seasoning an omelette he hasn’t cooked with his heart and soul, an omlette that reminds him of his grandmother, who used to cook omlettes and I’m sure is watching now, proud, but concerned about the amount of paprika. My mind has wandered a little.
6:55 Mal Farr on asylum- reasonable timeframe for a processing centre opening? Gillard says there’s no quick fix. Jim and Jane join wormy hands and go south for a bit before Jane rethinks and heads to Noosa. Jim remains in Beechworth/ Ballarat.
6:57 Abbott says Malcolm, lets be fair dinkum, and the worm turns downward. It’s revived when he says Timor will never come on line. Jim heads toward Townsville.
6:58 Ullmannn! Ask if Abbott should be fair dinkum. re 90% of boatfolk detainees winning visas- the worm is nervous, but gets a kick out of Abbott just saying ‘stop the boats’ I’m voting Uhlmann, Speers in the Senate.
6:59 Gillard calls Abbott naïve. Worm not likee. She then calls people smugglers evil and the worm turns. Attempts to blow the Nauru question out of the water (!) by noting its caretaker Gov. Almost succeeds.
7:02 Tingle on the economy. Positive worm. Happy worm. Surplus by 2013. Hooray. Whatever.
Verdict so far- too close to call. Fair dinkum
7:03 Speers f/up on economy- if we double dip will you stimulate? PM- not for me to say. Then Speers chases Gillard off the podium while the Benny Hill theme plays.
7:04 Abbott on economy- ‘Gov claims credit, but it was us! Honest’. Jim goes up for a high five. Jane demurs.
Abbott then hits the school halls, Jim goes crazy, Jane not far behind. A problem for the Gov.
7:05 Doesn’t Mal Farr scrub up nice? Asks about Groceries. Abbott trashes grocery watch, says we’ll get debt and deficit under control. Again, when asked what he’d actually do, he shapes away in flight.
7:08 Julia looks a little harried. When she lists what this Gov has done, it don’t sound so good. Not a program full of inspiration, nor effective implementation.
7:09 Uhlmann on carbon and delay. Jim heads south to Launceston, Jane remains midway on the map (which I have invented and is not to national scale. Plus, Canberra is the centre of everything. That’s just how it is, losers) in Canberra. Maybe in Manuka, looking for Jim. But he’s gone Jane, gone! Julia says we’re not gonna kid people, we need a cap on carbon pollution. Uh huh. I’m going to lead to get a community consenses. Jane Sydney, Jim Bendigo.
7:11 Speers follows up- Gillard flounders. Worst section of the night for her so far.
7:12 Abbott calls it a complete failure of leadership. Jim loves it. Jane says yeah, you might be right.
Point? Climate change has been bungled by JG. The worm says so.
7:13 Tingle on IR, company tax et al. Abbott says he respects the electorate. Worm says, what, me! Oh, he likes me! Worm blushes.
7:15 Gillard in response, calls it farce, worm is low. Gillard says Tony believes in workchoices. Jane says fuck you Jim, you’re stoopid. Jim says stoopid? I just pooped, that’s how stoopid. Where are my hands? Oh, there they are! I’ve had them on all this time! What’s that smell?
7:17 Farr looks bored. Asks a question about awards and small business etc. Gillard says fair work gets balance right. Semi positive worm. Julia’s hands go big. She’s filling the screen like my old art tutors told me to fill the canvas. My paintings were often as shit.
7:18 Abbott says fair work is not perfect, but we need to respect the people. I.e. really, I’m not gonna implement Workchoices. I’m not.
7:20 Uhlmann on Rudd- how many times did you warn Rudd before you knifed him? Ouch. JG says I’m not talking. Down the worm goes. This is much worse than I thought for JG- she’s playing friendly, and looks smaller. She’s been stage managed by folk who’d be fired from an Iranian soap opera.
7:21 Turns it back on Abbott-gets a bump
Speers f/up JG, re not canvassing Rudd. Jim gets a thermal pair of pants on and goes south.
7:22- Abbott says same shit different face, bangs his mic. Jim ditches thermals, dons boardies. Or dickstickers.
7:23 Tingle on Afghanistan- 2014 exit Abbott- I love troops. They should stay. Worm goes yeah! USA! JG says my pos is same as Rudd. Worm dip! Explains position, worm hop! Getting the job done- worm hop.
7:25 Closing- JG this was a good discussion! JG says as PM I would never cut school cash. Jim and Jane say good. Same on hospitals. And NBN. Schools, healthcare, NBN. I’m gonna cut the company tax rate. We are a confident optimistic people. I believe in your decency. Jesus. Fair dinkum. Etc.
7:28 Abbott action contract. Jim and Jan swap. Says tonight was the chance for the gov to explain why it should be re-elected- worm dives. 6 years of pink batts and school halls, it’ll just-get-worse. Worms stays down. Says it’s not about Gender- brave! Abbott loses on the closer.
Ch 7 says Labor 53-47. Australia says screw you two, let’s watch Masterchef.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Day 8- Sans Belief
The community assembly idea still rankles, but again, it seems difficult to make sense of something that contains little to no sense in the first place. Perhaps it just indicates where this election is being fought, and for who- the marginals of WA & QLD. Surely that’s what it is for, to delay the immediate action which might concern some of the dullards in the seats Labor needs to win, instead of the seats it think it has in the bag, or even, like, the nation as a whole, which in the olden days before you and I were born, was what the Government would concern itself with- like, Governing the whole country. I know, weird right?
Maybe Abbott feels the derision toward the assembly in the wind. Or maybe he’s feeling ill, because something has gotten to him. In front of a friendly West Australian crowd last night, he tells us that he will win Election 2010. The polls, the populace, his own campaign office and any sentient being capable of appreciating common sense at 20 paces may disagree, but Tony feels the need to share this information less than one week into a campaign which he has unquestionably been losing so far. Maybe he knows something we don’t. Or maybe there’s a voice in his head feeding him special messages from on high.
If so, then he’d resemble a candidate of his side-David Barker, candidate for Chifley, whose physical appearance I will not comment on for fear of less than divine retribution, but will undoubted remind you of a character from a George Lucas film that didn’t suck, perhaps a character that rhymes with Slabba the Fut. Mr Barker used his Facebook page to state that ‘When I get in I will give my votes, all of them, to God who is on the side of the Liberal Right.’’ (Thus bringing the all powerful status of the Christian God into doubt, something that probably should be looked into by a committee in this next Parliament) But of course there’s more- while Barker is not against Muslims per se (he believed that everyone should be entitled to their beliefs), he does think that there shouldn’t be a Muslim, such as his Labor opponent in Chifley, Ed Husic, in our Parliament, saying ‘I don’t believe that’s exactly in line with what we believe as Australians.’’ Also, to conclude his holy trinity of horseshit, he’s a little annoyed at having an atheist as Prime Minster. His reward for the outing of his views? Disendorsement, with Abbott saying that “he’s gone, he’s finished” Barker’s replacement? Why, it’s only a woman named Venus Priest. Oh I shit thee not.
Maybe Abbott feels the derision toward the assembly in the wind. Or maybe he’s feeling ill, because something has gotten to him. In front of a friendly West Australian crowd last night, he tells us that he will win Election 2010. The polls, the populace, his own campaign office and any sentient being capable of appreciating common sense at 20 paces may disagree, but Tony feels the need to share this information less than one week into a campaign which he has unquestionably been losing so far. Maybe he knows something we don’t. Or maybe there’s a voice in his head feeding him special messages from on high.
If so, then he’d resemble a candidate of his side-David Barker, candidate for Chifley, whose physical appearance I will not comment on for fear of less than divine retribution, but will undoubted remind you of a character from a George Lucas film that didn’t suck, perhaps a character that rhymes with Slabba the Fut. Mr Barker used his Facebook page to state that ‘When I get in I will give my votes, all of them, to God who is on the side of the Liberal Right.’’ (Thus bringing the all powerful status of the Christian God into doubt, something that probably should be looked into by a committee in this next Parliament) But of course there’s more- while Barker is not against Muslims per se (he believed that everyone should be entitled to their beliefs), he does think that there shouldn’t be a Muslim, such as his Labor opponent in Chifley, Ed Husic, in our Parliament, saying ‘I don’t believe that’s exactly in line with what we believe as Australians.’’ Also, to conclude his holy trinity of horseshit, he’s a little annoyed at having an atheist as Prime Minster. His reward for the outing of his views? Disendorsement, with Abbott saying that “he’s gone, he’s finished” Barker’s replacement? Why, it’s only a woman named Venus Priest. Oh I shit thee not.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Day 7- Community Claptrap
Leadership is tricky, isn’t it? You want to seem like you’re in control without being too controlling. You want to inspire, but the act of doing so can seem a bit pushy. Tough balance. And election campaigns are about offending the people you can afford to offend.
Maybe we get it wrong when we assume that leaders of political parties are there to lead. Maybe the term is wrong. Let’s replace 'Party Leader’ with 'Chairperson-in-Chief'. Someone who might helm a citizens assembly, say.
This idea, the one that will drive climate change policy (and here I was thinking that the Rudd Government actually had a mandate post 2007 to get it done, but clearly I’m foolin’) is one I can’t pin down on these light emitting pages. Perhaps because it’s just too silly. Sillier than a monkey thirsty for its wee. Sillier than the opposition leader (sorry-how about 'chief nutbag of the other lot')plucking a duck. There will be better writers doing hatchet jobs right now on blogs and in papers, and they are right to do so. The citizens assembly is called the Parliament. Hurry the fuck up and sort something out.
Nothing, however, is quite as silly as a student politician. Maybe there’s money in writing a student politician handbook in the post tweet age, maybe subtitled 'How not to be so hilariously lame as to bring support to whatever you’re opposing, whatever you’re not’.
Maybe this chap here, PhD Candidate Brad Smith, who launched a flailing, pathetic attack on the PM in Brisbane this morning, was acting out of pure frustration, a bodily articulation of disappointment and anger. Or maybe, moments before he lurched beyond the barricades, he was imaging his visage on a billion t shirts, the Che of the Sunshine State. 
Either way, he’s a joke now, a momentary meme that does nothing for the wider cause. A note to student politicians- even if I agree with you, chances are that I hate you. And I’m not alone- not even close. Because intelligent discussion comes after quiet contemplation and wide reading. It’s tough to get ahead as a student poli if you’re quietly thinking, assessing the whole picture. It’s ambition really, innit? Goes some way to explaining the quality of sitting members we get. Maybe a randomly selected posse of 150 citizens will be a better way to get good policy after all.
Rudd offers a statement early afternoon, stating that he takes security real serious like, and that he’d only send an underling if he was physically unable to attend himself. Fair enough, right? Sometimes I’m too drunk or depressed or attached to a mountain stage of Le Tour to get out of my chair- if something needs doing, I just yell out for someone else to do it. Here’s how I reckon it went.
Office lackey: Prime Minister, you’re due at the security briefing
Kev: (Long groan). Must I?
Office lackey: ummmm… am I allowed to answer honestly without either being yelled at or met by the long passive aggressive silence David Marr is planning to write about in the Quarterly Essay that will speed up your eventual demise?
Kev: (long passive aggressive silence)…. Alistair!
(Alistair bounds in, all young and youthful like)
Alistair: Yes Prime Minster?
Kevin: No punning
Alistair: My apologies Prime Minister
Kevin: wǒzuìyù mián
Alistair: Sir?
Kevin: That’s mandarin for I’m drunk and don’t want to go
Alistair: would you like me to go in your place?
Kevin: (has fallen asleep).
Alistair: Ok.
Maybe we get it wrong when we assume that leaders of political parties are there to lead. Maybe the term is wrong. Let’s replace 'Party Leader’ with 'Chairperson-in-Chief'. Someone who might helm a citizens assembly, say.
This idea, the one that will drive climate change policy (and here I was thinking that the Rudd Government actually had a mandate post 2007 to get it done, but clearly I’m foolin’) is one I can’t pin down on these light emitting pages. Perhaps because it’s just too silly. Sillier than a monkey thirsty for its wee. Sillier than the opposition leader (sorry-how about 'chief nutbag of the other lot')plucking a duck. There will be better writers doing hatchet jobs right now on blogs and in papers, and they are right to do so. The citizens assembly is called the Parliament. Hurry the fuck up and sort something out.
Nothing, however, is quite as silly as a student politician. Maybe there’s money in writing a student politician handbook in the post tweet age, maybe subtitled 'How not to be so hilariously lame as to bring support to whatever you’re opposing, whatever you’re not’.
Maybe this chap here, PhD Candidate Brad Smith, who launched a flailing, pathetic attack on the PM in Brisbane this morning, was acting out of pure frustration, a bodily articulation of disappointment and anger. Or maybe, moments before he lurched beyond the barricades, he was imaging his visage on a billion t shirts, the Che of the Sunshine State. 
Either way, he’s a joke now, a momentary meme that does nothing for the wider cause. A note to student politicians- even if I agree with you, chances are that I hate you. And I’m not alone- not even close. Because intelligent discussion comes after quiet contemplation and wide reading. It’s tough to get ahead as a student poli if you’re quietly thinking, assessing the whole picture. It’s ambition really, innit? Goes some way to explaining the quality of sitting members we get. Maybe a randomly selected posse of 150 citizens will be a better way to get good policy after all.
Rudd offers a statement early afternoon, stating that he takes security real serious like, and that he’d only send an underling if he was physically unable to attend himself. Fair enough, right? Sometimes I’m too drunk or depressed or attached to a mountain stage of Le Tour to get out of my chair- if something needs doing, I just yell out for someone else to do it. Here’s how I reckon it went.
Office lackey: Prime Minister, you’re due at the security briefing
Kev: (Long groan). Must I?
Office lackey: ummmm… am I allowed to answer honestly without either being yelled at or met by the long passive aggressive silence David Marr is planning to write about in the Quarterly Essay that will speed up your eventual demise?
Kev: (long passive aggressive silence)…. Alistair!
(Alistair bounds in, all young and youthful like)
Alistair: Yes Prime Minster?
Kevin: No punning
Alistair: My apologies Prime Minister
Kevin: wǒzuìyù mián
Alistair: Sir?
Kevin: That’s mandarin for I’m drunk and don’t want to go
Alistair: would you like me to go in your place?
Kevin: (has fallen asleep).
Alistair: Ok.
 |
| Rudd, just before the security briefing. Via News Ltd. |
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Day 6- Suspension
In Canberra, we wait with latte breath as a ranga attempts to overcome an idiot and a crafty nerd. Said ranga, whilst not 100% likeable, certainly has... something about her (cue rolling of my significant others eyes). It's a good thing that we have this contest to occupy our simple minds, for otherwise we'd have to focus on that other threeway, the election- death by dullness. It has been an exciting couple of months. Sportsfans such as myself have had the madness of Le Tour to ease the loss of the World Cup, but now Le Tour winds toward Paris, what will satisfy our hungry souls? It will not, on early form, be the battle for the middle ground, Enforced Decision 2010.
Each day I write asking for colour, inspiration, boldness, a little leadership. And the call remains unanswered. For drama, we have to fold our newspapers and squint.
Each day I write asking for colour, inspiration, boldness, a little leadership. And the call remains unanswered. For drama, we have to fold our newspapers and squint.
Thanks Pete!
Festivities were suspended today so that both leaders could attend the funeral of another soldier killed in Afghanistan. In place of La Rang and the Winger, the bit part players, bless them, tried to give the campaign a little shake.Enter the twig.
Andrew ‘Twiggy’ Forrest, the billionaire of the people (look- he’s wearing hi-vis! He’s one of us…), is threatening to re-light the miners ad campaign. The Twig says that the deal with the big three mining companies leaves the little guys, like Fortescue (!), out in the cold. He also says that the Greens are a problem, as they may hold the balance etc etc, but then, the Twig offers something magnificent, and well beyond the pale. He suggest that Bob Brown get out of his ‘chaffuer driven’ car and take a walk from the luxury of Parliament House down to the tent embassy of ‘our indigenous brothers and sisters’ and spend a night among them, for we’ll all be living in tents with a challenged mining industry.
To recap- Australia’s richest man implores the Greens leader to stop larging it, and go down to the tent Embassy for a little burst of reality.
Here is a photograph of a monkey drinking its own urine to best reflect the absurdity of this situation.
To recap- Australia’s richest man implores the Greens leader to stop larging it, and go down to the tent Embassy for a little burst of reality.
Here is a photograph of a monkey drinking its own urine to best reflect the absurdity of this situation.
Rudd, also a support act now, continues to make news. Leaked memos point toward a lax attitude toward national security committee meetings, sometimes sending his wunderkind chief advisor Alistair Jordon in his place. But that's not news as such- it's another reason why he's no longer in the big chair. The big news is that Krudd has indeed been offered a job with the UN, as their chief backdown specialist on climate change. But it's ok, as it's only a part time gig. With the UN. Nothing to see here, right Kev? Right?
Mark Latham calls Gillard a dirty liar for fudging the real thrust of her sustainable Aus/immigration line, and Jumping Joe Hockey, desparate to regain some ground after being beaten up by Red Kerry last night, decides to quote the brawler from Green Valley. The nation’s ear are dead to both these rotund shrieking geese, but good on em for having a go.
WITH WHAT DO WE OCCUPY OURSELVES?
Mark Latham calls Gillard a dirty liar for fudging the real thrust of her sustainable Aus/immigration line, and Jumping Joe Hockey, desparate to regain some ground after being beaten up by Red Kerry last night, decides to quote the brawler from Green Valley. The nation’s ear are dead to both these rotund shrieking geese, but good on em for having a go.
WITH WHAT DO WE OCCUPY OURSELVES?
In suspension mode, I turn to the internets to provide some stimulation/ something annoying enough to write about it, and I find it at the Drum. Jonathon Holmes, thankfully stripped, in print, of those ridiculous, hammy mugging gestures that undermine his hosting on MediaWatch, reports on the capital, my home and workplace (in that order). He mis-spells Aussies, but in the main his point is well made. The election affects people a long way, mentally as well as physically, beyond the state circle, the forcefield on the hill.
Holmes speaks here mainly of the press gallery, but allow me a moment to speak of the house itself, and the people who work, as I do, in offices lining the long halls. I’m a newbie here, in an area that serves the business of the House, the chamber and the committees and so on. A non partisan precinct, where politics is spoken of with some of the detachment Holmes mentions, but with vigour and pleasure too- the game is important, compelling, and while the day to day stuff doesn’t affect the work done here too much, the processes so that day to day to occur is a serious business. My experience, completed closeted as it is, is of a pack of highly intelligent people who work with a quiet purpose- ensuring that, regardless of who is at the wheel (and there is, it seems, a consensus view that while the two majors are not idenitical as such, it is a case of same shit different suit), democracy is something worth working for. In the House of Reps, people work so that process can take place as smoothly as possible. There will be those who work these halls who are far less wide-eyed than I, who would report on office dynamics and frustrations and so on. Show me a workplace that doesn’t have those issues. But, isolated as we may be, people here enjoy the process, and work at making it work.
Holmes speaks here mainly of the press gallery, but allow me a moment to speak of the house itself, and the people who work, as I do, in offices lining the long halls. I’m a newbie here, in an area that serves the business of the House, the chamber and the committees and so on. A non partisan precinct, where politics is spoken of with some of the detachment Holmes mentions, but with vigour and pleasure too- the game is important, compelling, and while the day to day stuff doesn’t affect the work done here too much, the processes so that day to day to occur is a serious business. My experience, completed closeted as it is, is of a pack of highly intelligent people who work with a quiet purpose- ensuring that, regardless of who is at the wheel (and there is, it seems, a consensus view that while the two majors are not idenitical as such, it is a case of same shit different suit), democracy is something worth working for. In the House of Reps, people work so that process can take place as smoothly as possible. There will be those who work these halls who are far less wide-eyed than I, who would report on office dynamics and frustrations and so on. Show me a workplace that doesn’t have those issues. But, isolated as we may be, people here enjoy the process, and work at making it work.
Day 5- Quality
This here daily broadcast of meaningless guff was interrupted by my participation, at the expense of the Australian Public Service and therefore you, in a course on Proofreading and Editing. No longer at my desk in the People's House, Capital Hill Canberra, I was instead attuned to plain English, direct messages and clear, correct communications. A world away from EnforcedDecision2010.
Maybe moving forward wasn’t such a clever way to indicate progress while infer that the opposition are a throwback- maybe it was just wishful thinking. Because the morning headlines are to do with boats and industrial reform. This could be election 2007, or 2004, or maybe even 2001. All you need to do, when writing the history, is replace key words. Tampa with… whatever the name of the latest skiff is. Over 90 boatpeople in 48 hours. This is what Labor spin monkeys might describe as a ‘headache’.
Labor had a vast opportunity in 2007. Remember those days of wine and excitement? Of apologies and hope springing Kevin? A vast opportunity which they blew. Here’s the thesis.
Every Government, so goes the popular thinking, gets 100 days. At least, that's what is said in the West Wing. And I don't remember what Jed Bartlett did in his 100, but the thinking goes that every Government can strike in that time, be as bold as a Government can be, because after that compromise and difficulty and turmoil and disaster and death are all they have to look to forward to.
So in those 100 days, Kevin apologised and signed Kyoto. He hosted the 20:20 thinkathon and flung some ideas around. And not much else. This is was before the GFC, and editorials were starting, toward the end of the 100, to point toward the lack of a Rudd narrative. We wondered, even then, what he stood for.
It was this timeframe where, I dutifully and sadly and humbly suggest, he could have done something huge and overdue. Redefine the terms by which we've come to understand the refugee issue. Clearly indicate the political game Howard played in 2001. Detail the cost, economic and emotional, of detaining those who had fled their homelands. Spell out the UNHCR doctrine, and why it exists. Explain that terror is not something that will arrive by leaky craft, but is likely to begin at home (hello 7/7 and several foiled attacks that we know of since).
I write this, friends and strangers, not just as a bleeding heart, but as a practicalist. Think about it. Look at the stats. Consider even, with your Derridian hat on, the foolishness of the language we glibly use. Illegal immigrants. These people await processing. And their illegality can only be proven once their refugee status has been denied (remember that 90+% of these who, after enduring sometimes years in these detention centres, were granted full access). They are within their rights to apply. And if their application is rejected, they are to return. This is a basic twisting of the language to reflect a Legal nonsense, and Labor then, under Beazley, couldn't battle the tide of backward fucktards who got scared when the Coalition said boo. And in those 100 days of Kevin, that period where the Australia of Howard was being forgotten and a country turned toward its new geek-in-charge and said 'alright! What now!', he could’ve so clearly and easily said 'Australia- you've been sold a lie. Here's how...’ And two things would've happened. One- the nation would've realised that this issue is a human one. And two- Labor would never have had to fight the asylum seeker issue in a campaign again. It would’ve neutralised a critical attack weapon against it. To again abuse a term of the writer I so clearly mimic here, prove that I lie.
But as we know, Kevin lacked the ability to explain the vision thing, and here we are. A boat arrives. 43 people seek asylum. Then another. Perhaps a future terrorist or a clan thereof, occupy that boat and perhaps waffle like that scribed above will look thoroughly stupid. Or perhaps these are hopeful and desperate people who should be listened to like the others and we, for not listening well and having the skill to define the argument in terms which reflect a better, smarter and more decent humanity are lessened by all this.
NOT THAT THE OTHER LOT ARE WINNING
Abbott however, isn’t doing so well himself. Even if a ‘leading academic’ cleared him of the accusation levelled by Craig Emerson re the Coalitions proposal to blah blah via blah would actually make that scrap of paper Abbott signed on Monday as worthless as everybody assumed it was anyway. Something about money and law and industrial relations. Same old. The detail doesn't matter, because the link between Abbott and IR reform is stuck the public brain now- Abbott and WorkChoices remain peas in the ideological pod. Will he shake the smell by late August?
Elsewhere, we get a Labor candidate linking Abbott to suicide. Yep. This is too stupid to comment on, even for me. Gillard should disendorse. At this stage, she hasn't. The idea, Julia, again fro the Jed Bartlett scholl of politicing, is that you take out the trash. Take it out! Not let it linger in the hallway, where it might repeat on you later.
Meanwhile, in Griffith...
The ABC reported on PM that Journalists were told to meet the former PM at the Cooperoo Primary School at midday. Once there, The Ruddbot ignored them. For 20 minutes.
His only words to the pack after those 20 minutes were these.
‘Looking at schools like this it’s terrific’
Then he went inside, asked some questions of year 3 students, and back outside
His statement, to the pack he’d requested? It was this.
“I’ll be speaking only about local issues here in Griffith…. As for national issues… I won’t be commenting on those.”
There was aggression in that there voice. And his minders, continued the ABC, made sure the bemused pack knew where he was off to next. What gives Kevin? Are things about to get interesting?
I know…. I’ll get them all to come and watch me do local member stuff… that unedifying degrading small stuff- maybe I’ll start at a school, ask kids questions about a school hall…. Then I won’t take any questions… that’ll ratfuck em… the nightly news will have pictures of me walking around a school, and they’ll go- hey- that’s our Kevin! How sad! We pity him! We’ll demand his sauce bottle be shaken fairly! And they’ll have me back! Ha-ha! And I’ll become the boss again and we’ll go back to the good ol days of making vast statements, backflipping at the first sign of trouble and pushing papers through the office at the rate of one a week. Ha ha! Except that this time it’ll be a gang of three- NO Julia.. But then Lindsey is leaving and Wayne ratfucked me too, so it’ll be a gang of… me! Ha HaAAA! Finally, all those nitwits in my way will be gone!
LATER THAT NIGHT
And Abbott enters the Hey hey arena. Out he runs, arms in the air, making that odd chuckling sound. To boos and cheers. The highlight? (from the SMH)
"I quite like the Julia Gillard accent," he said of the woman, Loretta 'Chat-a-lot-a-little' who was singing about incest.
And speaking about the event later, he says
"Just to be on the same stage as Kylie Minogue was really special."
I am not making this up.
At least the stupidity of this moment covered up Joe Hockey’s mauling in 730Reportland. Kerry took another scalp, and Hockey did more damage to whatever leadership aspirations he once had.
Tune in here. It gets brutal around 11.45. Brutal.
Original images from Fairfax (Rudd), News Ltd (Abbott), & the ABC (Hockey).
Maybe moving forward wasn’t such a clever way to indicate progress while infer that the opposition are a throwback- maybe it was just wishful thinking. Because the morning headlines are to do with boats and industrial reform. This could be election 2007, or 2004, or maybe even 2001. All you need to do, when writing the history, is replace key words. Tampa with… whatever the name of the latest skiff is. Over 90 boatpeople in 48 hours. This is what Labor spin monkeys might describe as a ‘headache’.
Labor had a vast opportunity in 2007. Remember those days of wine and excitement? Of apologies and hope springing Kevin? A vast opportunity which they blew. Here’s the thesis.
Every Government, so goes the popular thinking, gets 100 days. At least, that's what is said in the West Wing. And I don't remember what Jed Bartlett did in his 100, but the thinking goes that every Government can strike in that time, be as bold as a Government can be, because after that compromise and difficulty and turmoil and disaster and death are all they have to look to forward to.
So in those 100 days, Kevin apologised and signed Kyoto. He hosted the 20:20 thinkathon and flung some ideas around. And not much else. This is was before the GFC, and editorials were starting, toward the end of the 100, to point toward the lack of a Rudd narrative. We wondered, even then, what he stood for.
It was this timeframe where, I dutifully and sadly and humbly suggest, he could have done something huge and overdue. Redefine the terms by which we've come to understand the refugee issue. Clearly indicate the political game Howard played in 2001. Detail the cost, economic and emotional, of detaining those who had fled their homelands. Spell out the UNHCR doctrine, and why it exists. Explain that terror is not something that will arrive by leaky craft, but is likely to begin at home (hello 7/7 and several foiled attacks that we know of since).
I write this, friends and strangers, not just as a bleeding heart, but as a practicalist. Think about it. Look at the stats. Consider even, with your Derridian hat on, the foolishness of the language we glibly use. Illegal immigrants. These people await processing. And their illegality can only be proven once their refugee status has been denied (remember that 90+% of these who, after enduring sometimes years in these detention centres, were granted full access). They are within their rights to apply. And if their application is rejected, they are to return. This is a basic twisting of the language to reflect a Legal nonsense, and Labor then, under Beazley, couldn't battle the tide of backward fucktards who got scared when the Coalition said boo. And in those 100 days of Kevin, that period where the Australia of Howard was being forgotten and a country turned toward its new geek-in-charge and said 'alright! What now!', he could’ve so clearly and easily said 'Australia- you've been sold a lie. Here's how...’ And two things would've happened. One- the nation would've realised that this issue is a human one. And two- Labor would never have had to fight the asylum seeker issue in a campaign again. It would’ve neutralised a critical attack weapon against it. To again abuse a term of the writer I so clearly mimic here, prove that I lie.
But as we know, Kevin lacked the ability to explain the vision thing, and here we are. A boat arrives. 43 people seek asylum. Then another. Perhaps a future terrorist or a clan thereof, occupy that boat and perhaps waffle like that scribed above will look thoroughly stupid. Or perhaps these are hopeful and desperate people who should be listened to like the others and we, for not listening well and having the skill to define the argument in terms which reflect a better, smarter and more decent humanity are lessened by all this.
NOT THAT THE OTHER LOT ARE WINNING
Abbott however, isn’t doing so well himself. Even if a ‘leading academic’ cleared him of the accusation levelled by Craig Emerson re the Coalitions proposal to blah blah via blah would actually make that scrap of paper Abbott signed on Monday as worthless as everybody assumed it was anyway. Something about money and law and industrial relations. Same old. The detail doesn't matter, because the link between Abbott and IR reform is stuck the public brain now- Abbott and WorkChoices remain peas in the ideological pod. Will he shake the smell by late August?
Elsewhere, we get a Labor candidate linking Abbott to suicide. Yep. This is too stupid to comment on, even for me. Gillard should disendorse. At this stage, she hasn't. The idea, Julia, again fro the Jed Bartlett scholl of politicing, is that you take out the trash. Take it out! Not let it linger in the hallway, where it might repeat on you later.
Meanwhile, in Griffith...
His only words to the pack after those 20 minutes were these.
‘Looking at schools like this it’s terrific’
Then he went inside, asked some questions of year 3 students, and back outside
His statement, to the pack he’d requested? It was this.
“I’ll be speaking only about local issues here in Griffith…. As for national issues… I won’t be commenting on those.”
There was aggression in that there voice. And his minders, continued the ABC, made sure the bemused pack knew where he was off to next. What gives Kevin? Are things about to get interesting?
LATER THAT NIGHT
"I quite like the Julia Gillard accent," he said of the woman, Loretta 'Chat-a-lot-a-little' who was singing about incest.
And speaking about the event later, he says
"Just to be on the same stage as Kylie Minogue was really special."
I am not making this up.
At least the stupidity of this moment covered up Joe Hockey’s mauling in 730Reportland. Kerry took another scalp, and Hockey did more damage to whatever leadership aspirations he once had.
Original images from Fairfax (Rudd), News Ltd (Abbott), & the ABC (Hockey).
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Day 4- Cuts, Boats & Celibacy
There is fallout this morning, from a man dressed only in a pair of dickstickers (in the colour of what Pantone have now patented as Abbott Rouge) who accosted the Opp leader in a mall yesterday afternoon. Apparently the man, one Conrad French, is a Labor staffer on leave, and thought he’d pop in to ask the Opposition if he liked the cut of his Speedos. Nothing political, nothing incendiary. Just one man reaching out to another, perhaps a man of low self esteem, looking to have his sartorial decision authorised by the nation’s most famous model of the smuggler. Something which could be seen as an outstretched arm across the political divide, a Labor man reaching out to his enemy and saying –to heck with politics- this shit is about something more- for I am a man, and you are a man, and we can be men only covering maybe 12 4%** of our bodies in bright stretchy man made fabric together. And for this, the Prime Minister is being asked to sack Mr French.
That’s the spirit! Any sign of colour, Abbott Rouge or Gillard Green (kinda wishy washy, looks like something else in better light), get rid of it! For this may well be the hidden campaign- the one the parties fighting it don’t actually want you to see. That explains the scheduling of the one and only debate - against the most popular TV program in the land, of the year. Worm or no worm, we’ll be watching one amateur cook battle another amateur cook for the right to be Channel 10’s bitch for one year and maybe launch their own range of colanders, thereby seeing the debate in sound bytes on the news, and the Monday news at that, close to 24 hours after the thing screens. Isn’t this a little odd? If Rudd was at the helm, you might forgive his fear of a gaffe, or his folksy shtick wearing thin (“I remember, as a boy growing up in a place called Queensland, just a little north of here” *Make gesture with raised thumb, move swiftly toward opposite shoulder blade-smile-adjust glasses*). But Gillard is the best dead ball performer in the comp, the Xavi Alonso of the political free kick. Why wouldn’t she take the opportunity to crush Abbott, to do him slowly as another, braver Labor man once said. What’s she frightened of?
Later in the day we learn that the debate is shifted forward one hour, to 6:30 Sunday. Thou shalt not trifle with the scheduled broadcast time of the Masterchef finale. Thou shalt know thy place and work around it.
Later in the day we learn that the debate is shifted forward one hour, to 6:30 Sunday. Thou shalt not trifle with the scheduled broadcast time of the Masterchef finale. Thou shalt know thy place and work around it.
Abbott manages to quell WorkChoices talk by banging on about the big spending Gov, pledging to cut the cash on Community cabinents and bureacracy. Joe Hockey, alongside Abbott in Melbourne, attempts some zingers (the last Labor surplus was in 1989, when the Bangles ruled the charts… Wayne Swan is to surplus what Paris Hilton is to celibacy) Crappy one liners that get set upon like Joe in a room full of pies. Yum yum. At that presser Latika Burke asks Abbott if he thinks it is right to use a woman’s sexuality to make a political point. It could’ve been messy, but Abbott says something about colourful turns of phrase, of which Hockey is a master, and there’s nothing to see here. Hockey is stock still during this, probably imagining something. Paris or a pie? Too close to call.* The image reappears on Sky Bulletins and gets a run on the Agenda program, but the damage seems minimal. Certainly not the carnage of a man wearing Speedos, who is admonished by the PM later in the morning.
Gillard keeps the pack waiting at a school somewhere and manages to drone on for a bit about Trade certificates, then appears at the Casula Powerhouse at lunch to talk about how Western Sydney is the heart of her sustainable Australia pitch. Can we expect Western Sydney to take the brunt of the hundreds of thousands of people moving to the city? Can we tolerate a future where workers spend more time in traffic than at the dinner table with the kids? No! Are votes really really important out here? Yeah! And is this a horrible simplification of a challenge that should be grasped with spirit and vigour, not played safe? Hmmmm.
Abbott does an exciteable presser in Deakin with a choral accompaniment (and on three- ‘Shame!’) after lunch, going for Gillard’s throat (the most incompetent government in living memory….school uniforms… green preferences… carbon tax….stop the tax… stop the boats…ah….ah…ah). He’s there to spruik Phil Barresi, who lost his seat in 2007 but wants it back. He has, I think, the shiniest bald head sighted in the campaign so far. Buffed like a bowling ball. Amazing.
Then it got a little messy for Mr Abbott.
The SMH reported a stop off at a fruit shop in Deakin, apparently to check out some migration success stories, only to learn that the place where the photo op took place was owned and run by Hayden Tran, who arrived in 1986.... by boat. Oops.
As the night wore on the news was all about Courtney. Poor Courtney. Felled by a mystery box challenge written by the smirking, close to unlikeable Jimmy. Claire of course, she thought it was her turn. She wept. Indeed, she blubbered, and maybe she's as ashamed as Kevin was all those...days ago. But Claire prevailed and Courtney is gone. Gone.
Labor's Laurie Ferguson admits that the party is being 'squeezed on both sides' on boat people (you can substitute squeezed for another doing word if you wish), and the possible rising of interest rates lurks on the horizon, but it's not really the news tonight. Tonight it's about Masterchef and absurdity. A Donkey is parachuted in Russia, causing children to freak. A Current Affair's Ben Fordham is slammed in court. And most ridiculous of all is word that one Tony Abbott will be a guest judge on Hey Hey's Red Faces tomorrow night. Way to appear fresh big guy. We can only hope he does it in blackface.
Then it got a little messy for Mr Abbott.
The SMH reported a stop off at a fruit shop in Deakin, apparently to check out some migration success stories, only to learn that the place where the photo op took place was owned and run by Hayden Tran, who arrived in 1986.... by boat. Oops.
As the night wore on the news was all about Courtney. Poor Courtney. Felled by a mystery box challenge written by the smirking, close to unlikeable Jimmy. Claire of course, she thought it was her turn. She wept. Indeed, she blubbered, and maybe she's as ashamed as Kevin was all those...days ago. But Claire prevailed and Courtney is gone. Gone.
Labor's Laurie Ferguson admits that the party is being 'squeezed on both sides' on boat people (you can substitute squeezed for another doing word if you wish), and the possible rising of interest rates lurks on the horizon, but it's not really the news tonight. Tonight it's about Masterchef and absurdity. A Donkey is parachuted in Russia, causing children to freak. A Current Affair's Ben Fordham is slammed in court. And most ridiculous of all is word that one Tony Abbott will be a guest judge on Hey Hey's Red Faces tomorrow night. Way to appear fresh big guy. We can only hope he does it in blackface.
*Yes, I think it’s ok to use a person’s weight to make a pointless point on a blog. Because I am shallow and thin. Suck it up.
**Thanks to DR DHD of Inner Melbourne, who gave a little too much thought to the math in this equation.
**Thanks to DR DHD of Inner Melbourne, who gave a little too much thought to the math in this equation.
Original images via the SMH and Phil Barresi's official site.
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