Hockey, like Swan, has a terrible Achilles of making the most benign question sound like an attack, by virtue of the slightly harassed ‘now let me put this matter to bed’ tone they both seem unable to shake. Joe has more charm than Swan- indeed, the block of moist wood I just put on the fire has more charm than Swan- but he hasn’t been able to completely capitalise on his involvement in the Class of Sunrise circa mid 2000s like his old sparring partner, our old PM. Whether he’s too thick to understand that his charms are dissipated by this defensiveness o thinks that in general his public persona is A-Ok I don’t know. But this, combined with the bully-boy stuff he flings in the chamber doesn’t help his chances of leading the Coalition to a loss in 2013.
Abbott, fresh from proclaiming that he’s planning his move to the Lodge in late August in spite of what the people think, announces a cut to immigration. Except that apparently its not- the number Abbott proffers (170 000) is what is projected in the coming years. So Abbott, says Labor, is announcing Labor policy for Labor. Good on him.
The numbers don’t really matter- it’s the saying of the sentence that counts, sureing up the base, giving Abbott something to speak on which we know he believes in. That, and his additional ‘we should having more children’ line sits well with public persona. He hasn’t, at this point, stated that to help the nation bear more children he’ll be banning all abortions and making contraception illegal, but maybe he’s saving that for a bump in the final week. A boss of mine once said that the baby bonus of the Howard/Costello Gov will result, 10-15 years from now, in the biggest spike in bogans in our history. Like the argument in Freakonomics detailing lower crime rates in the early 1990s to the prevalence of safer, legal abortion in the 1970s, the bogan spike seems a good bet, for the baby bonus wasn’t always taken up by the folk occupying the higher IQ brackets. It might be a little crass to state, but does it not make sense?
It’s certainly more believable than Penny Wong’s statements on gay marriage. Maybe she is against it, for reasons unknowable. But this stuff is trite, and it’s a shame that both party political business and the news cycle unearth these tales. Does nothing for Wong’s public image and nothing for the Labor party. Though maybe it does something for the debate, indicating that it has to go big, bigger than the 2 party processes and into the community, for there to be change on that front. Hell’s, why not establish a community assembly?
The Great Inflate
A note on the worm- or worms, for we have a male worm and a female, as well as an average. Let’s call the male worm Jim, the lady worm Jane.
6:36 Abbott hits the screen squinting, and the female worm plunges, matching the male. But the worm doesn’t go as cold as it did against Rudd back in May. In the opener he keeps above the line, and occasionally hits the middle-highs. Until he calls the Gov hopeless, and women plunge sub-line. He attacks on boat people and climate change, and the average flatlines low. He looks nervous, stumbles on a few weasel words.
6:40- Keep your hands still Julia. Jesus. Jim is very low, Jane mid highs.
6:44 Chris Uhlmann at his best- respectful, removed from the obvious, yet tough as nails. Laurie Oakes might’ve said ‘can you indicate how you’re not some kind of whipped hack at the behest of your party/faction/etc’ , but not Uhlmann. He gives a little rope, but has eyes that say ‘don’t fuck with me’.
David Speers takes the cue from Uhlmann for a follow up on MySchools. The worm goes south, especially Jim. The journos are winning early points.
6:48 Abbott gets a crack at Uhlmann’s question and has benefited from everyone forgetting the thrust of it. Jane loves his riff on the parental leave plan, and Jim isn’t far behind. Calls it ‘visionary social change'. Can’t tell if the worm is capable of chuckling.
6:50 Laura Tingle has one for Abbott re immigration. Abbott says he is levelling with the Aus people, being fair dinkum about population growth. The worm is ok with it, not crazy excited, but ok.
6:52 Gillard responds and calls Tony on immigration- pretty clever, but it’s a trick she says. Jane loves it. Jim isn’t quite sure. The term ‘fair dinkum’ is used a further 326 times within about 42 seconds.
6:53 Tony bounces it back- why didn’t you say this last week about numbers coming down to 170 000? Julia says ‘huh? Whatever, fool’. Jane goes crazy high. Jim remains close to the middle. Few more fair dinkums sprinkled like a nervous chef seasoning an omelette he hasn’t cooked with his heart and soul, an omlette that reminds him of his grandmother, who used to cook omlettes and I’m sure is watching now, proud, but concerned about the amount of paprika. My mind has wandered a little.
6:55 Mal Farr on asylum- reasonable timeframe for a processing centre opening? Gillard says there’s no quick fix. Jim and Jane join wormy hands and go south for a bit before Jane rethinks and heads to Noosa. Jim remains in Beechworth/ Ballarat.
6:57 Abbott says Malcolm, lets be fair dinkum, and the worm turns downward. It’s revived when he says Timor will never come on line. Jim heads toward Townsville.
6:58 Ullmannn! Ask if Abbott should be fair dinkum. re 90% of boatfolk detainees winning visas- the worm is nervous, but gets a kick out of Abbott just saying ‘stop the boats’ I’m voting Uhlmann, Speers in the Senate.
6:59 Gillard calls Abbott naïve. Worm not likee. She then calls people smugglers evil and the worm turns. Attempts to blow the Nauru question out of the water (!) by noting its caretaker Gov. Almost succeeds.
7:02 Tingle on the economy. Positive worm. Happy worm. Surplus by 2013. Hooray. Whatever.
Verdict so far- too close to call. Fair dinkum
7:03 Speers f/up on economy- if we double dip will you stimulate? PM- not for me to say. Then Speers chases Gillard off the podium while the Benny Hill theme plays.
7:04 Abbott on economy- ‘Gov claims credit, but it was us! Honest’. Jim goes up for a high five. Jane demurs.
Abbott then hits the school halls, Jim goes crazy, Jane not far behind. A problem for the Gov.
7:05 Doesn’t Mal Farr scrub up nice? Asks about Groceries. Abbott trashes grocery watch, says we’ll get debt and deficit under control. Again, when asked what he’d actually do, he shapes away in flight.
7:08 Julia looks a little harried. When she lists what this Gov has done, it don’t sound so good. Not a program full of inspiration, nor effective implementation.
7:09 Uhlmann on carbon and delay. Jim heads south to Launceston, Jane remains midway on the map (which I have invented and is not to national scale. Plus, Canberra is the centre of everything. That’s just how it is, losers) in Canberra. Maybe in Manuka, looking for Jim. But he’s gone Jane, gone! Julia says we’re not gonna kid people, we need a cap on carbon pollution. Uh huh. I’m going to lead to get a community consenses. Jane Sydney, Jim Bendigo.
7:11 Speers follows up- Gillard flounders. Worst section of the night for her so far.
7:12 Abbott calls it a complete failure of leadership. Jim loves it. Jane says yeah, you might be right.
Point? Climate change has been bungled by JG. The worm says so.
7:13 Tingle on IR, company tax et al. Abbott says he respects the electorate. Worm says, what, me! Oh, he likes me! Worm blushes.
7:15 Gillard in response, calls it farce, worm is low. Gillard says Tony believes in workchoices. Jane says fuck you Jim, you’re stoopid. Jim says stoopid? I just pooped, that’s how stoopid. Where are my hands? Oh, there they are! I’ve had them on all this time! What’s that smell?
7:17 Farr looks bored. Asks a question about awards and small business etc. Gillard says fair work gets balance right. Semi positive worm. Julia’s hands go big. She’s filling the screen like my old art tutors told me to fill the canvas. My paintings were often as shit.
7:18 Abbott says fair work is not perfect, but we need to respect the people. I.e. really, I’m not gonna implement Workchoices. I’m not.
7:20 Uhlmann on Rudd- how many times did you warn Rudd before you knifed him? Ouch. JG says I’m not talking. Down the worm goes. This is much worse than I thought for JG- she’s playing friendly, and looks smaller. She’s been stage managed by folk who’d be fired from an Iranian soap opera.
7:21 Turns it back on Abbott-gets a bump
Speers f/up JG, re not canvassing Rudd. Jim gets a thermal pair of pants on and goes south.
7:22- Abbott says same shit different face, bangs his mic. Jim ditches thermals, dons boardies. Or dickstickers.
7:23 Tingle on Afghanistan- 2014 exit Abbott- I love troops. They should stay. Worm goes yeah! USA! JG says my pos is same as Rudd. Worm dip! Explains position, worm hop! Getting the job done- worm hop.
7:25 Closing- JG this was a good discussion! JG says as PM I would never cut school cash. Jim and Jane say good. Same on hospitals. And NBN. Schools, healthcare, NBN. I’m gonna cut the company tax rate. We are a confident optimistic people. I believe in your decency. Jesus. Fair dinkum. Etc.
7:28 Abbott action contract. Jim and Jan swap. Says tonight was the chance for the gov to explain why it should be re-elected- worm dives. 6 years of pink batts and school halls, it’ll just-get-worse. Worms stays down. Says it’s not about Gender- brave! Abbott loses on the closer.
Ch 7 says Labor 53-47. Australia says screw you two, let’s watch Masterchef.
No comments:
Post a Comment