Day 3- Of Bodgies & Bullshit

Something Labor campaign launches have been able to do, for better or worse, is trot out the legends, Gough, Bob and Paul, and sit them down together and ideally indicate that Labor is about the big stuff, big ideas from big men who are big enough to get over their pure hatred of each other and receive their applause from the comrades*.  Conservatives don’t do this- perhaps because they turn, like Fraser, or perhaps because, like McMahon, like Sneddon, and maybe one day like Howard, their legacy doesn’t spin so sweetly. Conservative tends to look small with hindsight. It never plays as well to say ‘we let Australians pay off their mortgages faster, assuming they had enough coin to get a mortgage’ in place of ‘we opened up universities and supported great Artists and got out of Vietnam and apologised’ and so on.

EnforcedDecision2010 will not, however, provide such an easy visual for the Labor camp. Gough is said to be in a care facility, but the real problem is with the renewed hostilities between the Undertaker and the Bodgie, and last night’s Hawke telemovie won’t have helped the feud kicked into gear by Blanche’s book and Paul's private/public response.

I watched it.  And yet I remember so very little. The actors were excellent- Richard Roxburgh further confirmed his vast talent by not slipping into the impersonation we can all do of Hawke, drawling, making an ahhh sound like a phlegmy Grandfather, pulling at the ear lobe, and Rachel Blake firmly ratified the idea that Hazel was good and wronged and it is a shame.  Aside from that, what happened? Lessons had clearly been learnt from Underbelly, as tits were glimpsed before the first commercial break, but really, it was a breath of whatever. Keating was played as an Iago, Richo as a jilted puffy schoolboy (about two feet too tall), Kim as eternally loveable but a little gormless, and Bob as a shining light who just loved too much. Most of all, he loved his nation too much, as hilariously evidenced by the scene where PJK referred to this nation ‘at the arse-end of the world’. ‘What did you say?” screeched Hawkie. The personal insults and threats to power he could take. Of course. It was the dismissal of his nation, which he loved (did I mention how much Hawkie loved, and loves Australia? And how much Australia, still, apparently, loves him?) that really made him angry. Thanks again, creative consultants to the Hawke telemovie, Blanche D’Apulget and Robert J’Hawke.

On the hustage, Gillard remained in Queensland, whereas Abbott signed stuff (read on for this, friends) and hung out at the Crown casino. The Greens signed a deal to distribute preferences, unsurprisingly, but perhaps this adds pressure and adds to early momentum. On Sky news they suggest that Labor’s internal polling is closer to the Galaxy poll of yesterday (50-50) than the Newspoll (55-45) and Gillard herself says the election will be a photo finish at a lunchtime presser, but that could be underdog spin. Another area of post-match sport interview blathering which has been heavily embraced by our Politicos in the last 15 years (I’m pretty sure Keating wasn’t so fond of taking the underdog line).  What’s with this desperate need to not be considered the favourite? A condition of the lowering-expectations trait so beloved by Australia? Please. Give me a leader happy to lead, confident in their ability to do so and happy to put themselves above the other. I guess we’re a nation fearful of hubris. Marion proved that on Masterchef.

A blip in NSW, where Greg Thomas, candidate for Hughes, had his house and electorate office hit up drive-by style. Thomas, member of the NSW Labor Crypts faction, had apparently called rival NSW Labor Bloods a pack of woofters. So it went.

In Melbourne Abbott was assaulted on WorkChoices again, signing a slip of paper on Radio (a Radio stunt! Was the sound of pen scratching paper compelling?) and may well have stifled the issue had the infamous 7:30Reportland brain belch not have happened. So now, when he says WorkChoices is dead, buried, Cremated (interesting order, but digress I do…) and then says ‘I can’t promise that individual elements of workplace relations laws won’t be altered’ or ‘we will not substantially tweak anything for the first term of an Abbott Government’, Kerry O’Brien grows another set of wings. Most important is that Abbott, the conviction guy, is lessening the impact of something he so clearly believes in, for the sake of electability. Conviction. If the conviction guy was let off the leash, wouldn’t be hearing about individual contracts and a ban on all abortions? The fact this ‘straight-talking’ guff bit so hard against Rudd further indicates how inept Kev and Labor had become at bomb diffusal. The guy is straining against the urge to say whatever comes into his head like a political Tourette’s case (Biceps! I like Bran! Manly Warringah suckhole! Budgie ball burning Mary saint of chest wax!) and each of those sharp pauses could be read as the battle between the tongue and the brain. He remains a chance of making a Bigotgate blunder, and for the sake of entertainment, we can only hope.

AND LATER THAT NIGHT

Gillard again reigns supreme in 730Reportland, sucking up Kerry’s punches on slogans and trust. O’Brien, after his triumphs against Rudd and Abbott earlier this year, hasn’t found the button to destroy Gillard yet, and though the line on the line (moving forward is about moving forward, Kerry…) is worthy, Gillard’s skills are in effect here.

The news bulletins carry bits of Abbott in Melbourne, but more of Costello. Costello remains the most effective Liberal in the ranks, assuming his membership is still valid. Perhaps he too will go the way of Fraser in his later years, perhaps touring immigration camps with his brother, apologising in person. For now, he’s doing well in upstaging his wee counterpart. He may want to play a larger part in the coming weeks. And his former party might advise against that.

Hawke, the real one, spoke of Costello in the interview after the melodrama last night, saying that at least Keating had the balls to challenge. At least that. And there’s the constant- if there’s one thing a Labor man hates more than that other Labor man, it’s a Liberal man. It’s what brings political people together- hate.

Meanwhile, Q&A again provides the unedifying sight of politicians making human-like gestures and sounds. Julie Bishop makes for a fascinating study. From the distance across my living room, through my new glasses to which I have not yet adjusted, she could pass for a human person. Piers Ackerman cracks bellicose, Waleed Aly and Tanya Plibersek seem oddly muted, and Bruce Hawker looks ready for a rumble. Nothing is decided and nothing changes, a hundred billion tweets are sent and we go to bed feeling a little sadder, a little dirtier. Day three. Three-days-down. 

*Maybe the only former Labor PM we’ll get at the launch will be, ah, Kev. And that’s not such a good photo op.

Image via SMH