Day 31- Yes we what?

Abbott makes his first appearance of the campaign on my personal wake-up program, breakfast with Fran Kelly. And these exchanges, roughly transcribed, took place. For real.

On the refusal to debate the PM this Wednesday.
ABBOTT: I’m happy to take questions on the economy but this should be a peoples forum, not a politicians forum… what about giving the people a chance?

FRAN KELLY: What’s wrong with a bit of both though… You seem to be running scared of debating the PM on the economy

ABBOTT: No…

FK: So you will do it?

ABS: Um, I think we should have another peoples forum… why is Julia Gillard refusing to give the people of Queensland what she gave the people of NSW?

FK: She can ask in response ‘why isn’t Mr Abbott willing to debate the economy?’

ABS: Well, you can ask me some questions on the economy…. But I reckon any government willing to put a great big new tax on the mining industry…. Carbon tax…. Is not a government that has serious economic credentials

FK: See it looks to me, and I suspect a lot of people in the electorate, that both leaders want to keep the format that suits them…. It’s the format that’s the issue for you isn’t it, not the scheduling problems?

ABS: Well I think we had a very good peoples forum here in Sydney last week…

FK: That’s because you won it!

Uh huh, Later, he is quizzed on mental health experts have exhibited concern over the duty of care issues surrounding detainees on Nauru. Abbott’s response?


Abbonater: If you talk to people on the island,… the asylum seekers who were there virtually had the run of the island


FK: Well the doctors who were there are saying there were extreme issues of mental illness, mental wellbeing


Abmaster2000: But the people who were put into the detention centres on Nauru basically had the same life of the islanders there, they had they had the run of the island, except for a curfew at night they had the same life as the islanders there.



Really?! The run of the island?!! Oh! See, I thought it was something else. Something less than ideal, or decent. But apparently it was a beach party!

A Gilligans episode, with special guest star Phil ‘DJ Philly Phil’ Ruddock.

I ask you.










I LAUNCH MYSELF, I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME

Democratic convention 2008

Labor launch 2010

Jeez, austerity makes crap television doesn’t it? These Democratic conventions are carnivals. The Labor launch was a lamington drive at the CWA headquarters in Brisbane, because I guess we can’t be seen to be spending money. Was it any good?  Was it heck! Kinda!

Opening with Wayne Swan is a strategy rock bands employ all the time- get an opening act who will make you look good by comparison. One of the worst speakers in living memory. Hawkie, on the other hand, began his pitch talking about making sensible investments. Investments. And in doing so, charmed the pants of a decent slab of the nation. By god- personality! He was a little shaky, a little pointy, not quite the powerhouse of 1983. Oddly, he quotes Lee Kuan Yew by way of explaining ‘form’ on the economy, and his own rescue of the Australian coffers in 1983, saying, a little too forcefully. "We would become the poor-white-trash….of Asia! And I copped that when I came into office in 1953” 53- 83. No matter. Dude is old. But entertaining. He works well. Bottom line of Hawkie- ‘generations of neglect by the Tories, having it put right by Labor.'  And he introduces 'a friend, a babe, a women I would’ve probably done at least a couple of times in the 70s but now is someone who I hope will beat my record of longest serving Labor PM, here she is, shake your money makers, it’s your Australian idol Prime Minister, Julia-Fucken-Gillard!'

Gillard thanks Hawkie, and gets right to acknowledging the K-Rudd, ‘a man of great achievements and with great achievements to come’. Then goes to mentioning Whitlam, who can’t be there on account of being 600 years old (and yet, sharper than all of us. He’s the tall Yoda), and Paul Keating, who couldn’t be there on account of hating Hawkie.


Friends, Julia wants to speak from her heart. About the importance of work. The transformative power of education. Courtesy and respect in times of need. And in moving forward with confidence. That our best days lie in front, not behind us.

Not everything has gone to plan (you gotta say that, slayer!), but look at us now- no recession, low employment, inflation under control. Look at us! We’re beautiful! Dear god feel our resplendence, our golden tone, our lithe belly and upper arms, our slender ankles and healthy eyeballs!


But to go on, we need proper plans for the future, and I have them. I have them. In a little baggie. Just here, behind the lectern. Do you want to see my plans?

I can’t hear you!

Well ok then!


Jobs economy work schools blah. That’s kinda it. Except for the closing refrain. Not moving forward (it only got two outings in the whole speech). Today's missive is from Chifley, via Obama. Yes we will. Yes we will. You like that Barry?

Yes he does.

LATER- THE NIGHT FOR NERDS
What fun for the tragics- Gillard on 7:30, a 4 Corners elction special, and Abbott on Q&A. But it all begins early, with Ab's calling a conference for 7:15, and at 7:40 something finally agreeing to a debate. Not a town hall debate, but something in the ABC studios. Whatever. He'll be hitting the books. 

Gillard on 7:30 is something of a non-event. O'Brien didn't seem to go hard, even though the questions dealt with Rudd, with cabinent process and spending rollout stuff. It flowed quickly enough, and Gillard emerged unscathed.  

I wouldn't say the same for Abbott and Q&A. First he gets owned (pwned? Is that how the tech heads say it? LOLOMGWTF!) by a geek on broadband. Then he responds stiltingly to a video question about time travel and trams. He recieves a long hop from a plant (surely!) on the BER spending and plays it square for a single. And then..... and then, an old Lib serviceman throws a beautifully placed yorker on rights for homosexuals. Abbott says that there are lots of terrific gay relationships, but marriage isn't right. He said 'I know some gay people... really well... I do Tony, I really do'. And he digs it out. Until the questioner gets a another crack. His son is gay, and he's pissed off that his son is without rights. His name is Geoff and he's the first hero of the night. 


There's more on spending, on welfare, etc, and he never quite looks settled. I asked last week how many people watched Q&A and later found that it was seen by just under 900 000 viewers. Not Masterchef big, but significant. He pushes his paid parental point, calls it a workplace benefit instead of welfare even though the Gov would eventually pay for it. A weird Kevin Rudd impersonator has a go at starting a comedy career and fails. Abbott gets hit with an environment question and says you should ask the Prime Minister, then babbles. Then babbles some more. There is more on health, on GP super clinics, and a nicely pointed question on big tobacco, donations and plain packaging. Stumbles terribly. The boatphone question gets a run. Muslims are addressed, a final question on his faith, and it's over. Twitter crashes on my machine, and its goodnight. Not a complete failure, but not at all a win. These questions over the format of the debate will rage tomorrow, and he'll need a blinder. Maybe. Or maybe those marginals like what they saw, as they too hate boats and find poofs a bit hard to deal with.